Faith and Favor

10/5/08
So many things have transpired since my last entry that this log would be way too long if I were to tell it all in detail. In short it has been a breathtaking ride of unsettling upheaval and change, framed by unprecedented open doors, and the unmerited favor of God being released in my life.
     Some of the fruits that have come out of the last few months are:

The release of Smokes first album. Smokes Myspace page.
The launch of KB Productions recording studio. KbproWeb.com - KB Productions Myspace page.
An exciting new job opportunity.
A fresh vision of where God wants to take me in the next season of my life.
Witnessing Jesus working at a heightened level in the lives of my family and friends.

I've come to realize that much of these things are the result of God's favor working in and through our lives. It's a powerful force that is essential to tap into in order to live our lives in a more complete and full way. But it's not some magic formula or specific set of buttons that need to be pressed in order to get God to bless us. Rather it is coming to grips with who we are in Christ, and what it is that gives us motivation as his specialized creation. Then stepping out in faith toward those things, believing that God will bring them to pass as he has promised.
     It seems that God has programed each one of us with a certain set of gifts and passions, and our individual DNA is wired to do certain things well. The real key is to stop being driven by our insecurities, such as pleasing others, and or the desire to be liked - the need for presenting a pristine image, a craving for respect, or a hunger to be looked up to - doing what we think we are suppose to do instead of what we are really called to do - not wanting to be seen as foolish - a drive to maintain control over everthing - etc. (I could go on). Only when we stop listening to such voices will we move to a new level of existance. When we discover freedom to be who we were truly created to be, then and only then, will supernatural favor begin to wrap itself around us. We will then discover that divine appointments, and what some might call “coincidental” circumstances are attracted to our lives. Events will transpire that take us in directions that we never dreamed of or expected.
     All the things mentioned above, that keep us from experiencing such favor, can be summed up in one word, fear. He desires so much to enrich and stretch out our lives, but we often get in the way because of our own fear centered mindsets. But faith, which is the opposite of fear, steps out into dangerous and new territory. It constantly plunges ahead in the face of the impossible and the unfamiliar. It does not shrink back when the going gets tough or impossible, it keeps moving ahead, all the while holding to the promises of what God has revealed to us about who we are in Christ, and what he has called us to accomplish in this life.
     Faith by its very nature is all about action. It is refusing to believe all the negative lies about who we are and what we don't deserve. It is refusing to allow fear to dictate how we behave, and the decisions that we make. Making choices based on faith is not easy, it sometimes means we will go in directions that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. God may ask us to do things and go places that seem, by our limited perspective, to have no bases in logic or reason. It may even seem eccentric or downright crazy.
     But God is not one to deal in the mundane and the normal, and he is never one to be cautious or to play it safe. A life lived in Christ is all about adventure and growing, it is never about safety and security. Unless we are speaking of the safety and security of who Christ is for us. Indeed, only when we take those steps of faith can divine favor step up to meet us in turn. When we move into territory that is too big for us to handle only then can God make his move. For him it's all about us becoming more like him, and his ultimate desire is that we grow into that bigger place in order that we can have greater and more intimate fellowship with him.
     God desires to bless us with his favor, but first we must allow fear to die and faith to come alive. In short we need a new mindset that is faith driven instead of fear driven. Such a mindset comes when we start listening more to the voice of God than to the voice of our own insecurities. We do that by focusing on who we are in Christ, and forgetting the negativities of our past. If we are truly new creatures in Christ than we need to start believing it and acting upon it. Anything short of that isn't really living, it's only existing.

  Revolution is Upon Us

3/29/08
A few years back I read a self-published book by a fellow named Frank Viola (not the baseball player), that helped to solidify and confirm some of my thoughts and beliefs about the present condition of Christian community in the West. I'm exited to report that the same book has now been published by Tyndale House after being updated and expanded by both the former author and George Barna of the Barna Group. That book is Pagan Christianity?, an in depth and scholarly work that helps to trace the historical origins of all things we do and think in the name of “church.” The conclusion of the authors is that we have strayed far away from the teaching and example of Jesus and the Apostles in regards to how we practice the art of gathering together. So far have we strayed, in fact, that our very spiritual health suffers for it.
     The views of the authors are just a tad bit controversial to say the least, but they are stimulating a conversation that is well overdue, and one I have personally been hoping would get started for a long time. The sad reality is that the traditional church, in all its varied and diverse forms, is not challenging Christians to grow spiritually, let alone challenging the culture at large to draw closer to God. In fact, the very opposite has occurred; many Christians are now leaving the institutional church, not because they want to abandon their spiritual life, but to preserve it. What does that mean? Where will such people go to find fellowship? Is the very foundation of Christianity at stake? Is this just a careless disregard for 2000 years of Christian history and tradition? Such questions are what the conversation is all about, but of course we must have the conversation before we can start to answer some of these questions in a reasonable and rational manner. The conversation is now upon us whether we would have it or not, as the publication of this book by a major publisher would attest. Avoiding it will get us nowhere fast.
     Such a conversation may be way overdue, but I've had the privilege of taking part in it for a long time already with family and friends who have been intensely engaging on the subject over the years. (You know who your are.) That conversation has led us to every degree of the spectrum, helping us to see clearly the need for change, but also to see the vital importance of caution informed by a solid historical perspective, a perspective that teaches us that it is foolish to seek change for the sake of change. It has helped us flesh out the balance between revolution and authority, the balance between modification and the stability of tradition, and the balance of rethinking our idea of Christian community and yet holding to those things that have proven themselves essential. Having seen, and having been involved in so many examples of failed church structure, we have diligently sought to hold to what is good and let go of what is not. The authors of Pagan Christianity seem aware and conscientious of the need for this as well.
     Their goal is not to make the claim that every “pagan” practice the body of Christ has picked up over the years is necessarily bad, but instead to point out those that are a clear and arguable contradiction to the way of Jesus and the Apostles, the ones that by their nature hinder the ecclesia from functioning as God intended her to function. They point to what some scholars have deemed “the organic church.” Viola has himself been involved in the reality of organic church life for over 20 years, and he can vouch for the power and vitality of this type of body life. It is life-transforming, it is engaging, and it leads to a dynamic, pro-active faith that impacts the culture around it. Not because they are impressive in any earthly fashion (a mistake the modern church is currently making), but because it is evident to all who attend such gatherings that the Holy Spirit is at work, and Jesus Christ has taken up his rightful place as head of his body.
     The organic church is not just another repackaging and restructuring of the same Western mentality, it is in fact an entirely different paradigm. Not a new paradigm, but one that more closely resembles the example given to us by Jesus and the Apostles. Neither is it a utopian, naive dream that is impossible to achieve. In truth, it is more difficult, more demanding, and more requiring of personal sacrifice than any form of the traditional church. Even more than this, it requires that we give up our own selfish ambitions and strong-headed notions about how things should be done. It requires that we humble ourselves and acknowledge our utter dependence on each other and the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
     It's not an easy, self-styled religion. Au contraire. It is the ultimate sacrifice anyone of us can make as believers. It necessarily requires a complete submission to the Holy Spirit and each other in full humility and brokenness. It means we will have to love, accept, and embrace those who think and act much differently than we do. In other words, we can not just split and go start another religion the moment some disagreement arises. Instead, we must be willing and prepared to stick it out when the going gets rough, allowing the Holy Spirit to bind us together in perfect love and unity. It ultimately means death to self. Without such an approach and the understanding of the sacrifice required, it will indeed fail, and we would be much better off just limping along with traditional religion as our guide.
     Traditional Church structure has developed for a reason. It's easier, less messy, and gives us guidelines to control uncomfortable situations that might arise. With the Holy Spirit in charge, there in no telling where the wind will blow. Frankly, that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and rightfully so. This is not a path for the faint of heart, or for those who desire comfort above adventure and adversity. The enemy will be engaged when such a community arises and we must be prepared to fight. We must be prepared to be involved in spiritual warfare.
     And thus we should all be for warned before we venture down the road that this book will invariably take us down. As it states on page 7: “If you are unwilling to have your Christianity seriously examined, do not read beyond this page...Spare yourself the trouble of having your Christian life turned upside down.” Good advice. If you're perfectly content with the way things are, and you don't see a problem with traditional Christianity as it is, then forget that you read this at all. You'll be better off, maybe?

For more information about the book check out this interview with Viola and Barna. This is in mp3 audio format, so for those of you who have slow connections be prepared for a lengthy download. It's 70 minutes long, but well worth it:

http://ptmin.org/viola_barna.mp3

  Personal Update

12/31/07
I actually have some good excuses for taking so long between logs this time. First off, I've been writing music reviews for Infuze Magazine. Infuze provides coverage of the arts and entertainment world from a Christian perspective. Go to the music review section and scroll down to read several of my posts. More reviews are on the way, as well as my personal preferences for the top 10 albums of 2007.
     Second, I've been more active with different music projects lately, including an album concept that my cousin Jim and I came up with over this past summer. We are planning to put together about twelve old gospel songs, but arrange them in several different more contemporary musical styles. This is a challenging project to work on in several ways, not the least of which is the fact that Jim lives in Louisiana, and I live in Minnesota, but with today's technology it can be done. We've also recruited a new friend of mine, Joe Holt to help us with the vocals, and we are both greatly relieved that we found someone who can actually sing. We thought for a while we might have to do the vocal parts, and that is a bit scary to think about.
     For a sample of the music to come check out our idea for an acoustic, Texas blues stylized “Do Lord” on the link below. Hopefully this is far from what the finished product will sound like, but it will give you an idea of what we are shooting for.

Joe and I have also been working up several songs that we hope to do live in different settings in the future. Perhaps coffee houses, county fairs, stuff like that. Joe is pastor of a small congregation called "The Gathering", and we have also been working on songs to use there.

  It's All About Relationships

12/31/07

Ah, comfort. We all seek and desire it. We can't live without a certain amount of it, but as M. Scott Peck puts it:

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

“We need to get out of our comfort zone,” has become a cliché in many Christian circles. Unfortunately, much of what we mean by “comfort zone” is limited, and the reality is that there are certain warm fuzzies that most of us simple refuse to give up, no matter how much we believe in the concept. Number one on that list is our relationships. Who we allow to have influence in our lives is a closely guarded affair. In some respects this is a very wise approach to building quality relationships, but if we are not careful it may also cause us to miss some of the greatest opportunities for growth. We have a tendency to gravitate toward people who agree with us on most things, or at least people who won't mess with our beliefs or challenge us to think outside of the realm we have grown accustomed and comfortable with.

This is one of the biggest mistakes we can make in life. The fact is that God often brings people into our lives to help us change. Throughout our lives we will run into others who are designed to bolster some weakness, to polish off the rough edges of our personality, or to expand and deepen our intellectual and spiritual horizons. We sometimes find ourselves with the most inconvenient and disrupting kinds of people, people who will not let us be who we are accustomed to being. People who may rub us wrong and make us feel insecure. And what is our natural reaction in such circumstances? We do whatever is necessary to avoid and to disrupt the very discomfort God is providing for our growth. We run for the hills, or find some way to justify blowing them off. We may even start to be unfairly critical toward them in order to negate their influence and make ourselves feel that we are above receiving anything of benefit from them.
     This scenario is played out time and time again within the body of Christ. When disagreements arise and personalities clash, there is normally a parting of the ways rather than taking the time necessary to allow the love of Christ to bind us together. We are lesser people for it, and the body of Christ remains fractured, weak, and infective as a result.

Being part of the body is first and foremost about being in relationship with Christ, and with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. If we allow ourselves to be divided on what matters we deem most important, such as doctrinal issues, methodology, or liturgy, we are allowing temporal things to get in the way of that which is eternal. All our ideas of what is right will surely some day be shown to have fallen far short of reality, and when such small things keep us out of fellowship with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, then we have lost the opportunity to invest in things that will never fade. Not only this, but in giving the time and energy necessary to build relationships with those who think differently, we will grow in greater wisdom and knowledge through their influence, and vise versa.
     Jesus didn't say that the world will know that we are his disciples by how correct our doctrine is, how active we are in helping the poor, how big our churches are, or by how many people we win to Christ. He said they would know we are his disciples if we have love for one another. In other words, no matter how different we are, no matter how much we may rub each other the wrong way, if we love each other in spite of such things, then our witness will truly have an impact. If we allow our differences to divide us, then we are no different than the world around us. We will have failed to stand out as having obtained something of unique power and value.
     Unfortunately, in today's Western culture those of us who seek fellowship in the body are encouraged to find the place we feel most comfortable, the place we fit in, the place we feel most at home. This is natural, and in some ways necessary. It's not practical to be so completely different that we have no starting place of relating to others. But to choose a group of believers simply because they make us feel comfortable is probably not the wisest path to follow. We should instead seek out those who will challenge us to change and grow. Because as Benjamin Franklin put it, ”When you're finished changing, you're finished.”

  A Triple Whammy

8/11/07
Needless to say it has been busy, but May 10th, my last entry? That's pitiful. A lot of ideas about what to write here went through my head during those months, but I never took the time to sit down and start writing. Always some other activity that seemed more entertaining or appealing drew me away. I wonder what points of growth and development I missed solidifying as a result. When we write down the things we experience it sets a marker of those events and clarifies the lessons learned. That is one of the reasons I come to this place. Clearly I need to make it more of a regular habit.
     One of the interesting events over the last few months had to do with God giving me a triple whammy concerning certain concepts I needed to let soak into my cranium. One being that I needed to be more conscious of living in the moment. I'm a dreamer by nature, so I have a tendency to always be thinking about the intrigue of what's to come, rather than paying full attention to the possibilities of the present. This is natural for anyone stuck in what may seem like a mundane task or routine, but if we stay too focused on the future we may very well miss what God wants to do in the here and now.
     To set the stage let us go back to late 2006. I remember making a statement at our home fellowship that I felt like God wanted to teach me to be more aware of what he was attempting to do each moment of my life, even in those parts that are drab and unexciting. Within a week of making that statement I was asked to teach a class at our church which had the theme of “seizing the moment.” Well, how could I refuse? On top of this I presented the material to our home fellowship and they felt it was something they needed to hear as well. So I spent the spring months teaching two classes, one on Wednesday nights and one on Thursday nights on how we as followers of Jesus Christ should be taking every opportunity presented to do good and make a difference, to look for divine moments in our daily lives and seize them with gusto.
      The triple whammy came in the form of these classes, which were centered around the book “Chasing Daylight” by Erwin McManus, another book called “The Principles and Power of Vision”, by Dr. Myles Munroe, and some teaching I downloaded by a fellow named Graham Cooke. All these resources, though different in many respects, seemed to have the same theme. A theme I was clearly in need of hearing and acting upon.
     When one gets to be my age, (turning 44 this month) there is a tendency to want to settle into life, maybe pull back, give up on our dreams, and just become comfortable with the way things are. Well, as I stated I'm a dreamer, so though I have been tempted to do just that I've never taken the idea too seriously. However, this thing of age kind of creeps up on you. When you suddenly realize half of your life is already over there is a tendency to start to panic a little. So many things I would like to do and accomplish, but the clock is ticking.
     One of the statements that Erwin McManus often makes is that most of us have a tendency to “sleep through our dreams”. What he means is that we all have dreams, but unless we act on them they will remain just that, no different than the dreams we have at night when we are tucked into our beds. The passions we all have are there for a reason, they are meant to be lived, and part of living them is to seize every moment we are given and live them out to their fullest potential. Don't hold back in fear when opportunity presents itself, even when those opportunities seem small and insignificant. Just plunge in and see what God will do. Often the more scary and foreboding the opportunity may appear the more likely it will end up being something God can use to transform lives, and change the world.
     Another great modern day philosopher often states that we should never make a decision from the standpoint of fear, because it will have a tendency to always be wrong. Boy, does that statement peg todays culture? How much of the decisions we make, not only individually but corporately as a society, are driven by fear? We even fear making the wrong decision, so we make no decision at all, we just pull back from the dangers, risks, and difficulties of life instead of taking them on with an understanding that they are meant to be faced and overcome. As Graham Cooke says and I paraphrase, “When we kill a giant we grow bigger than the giant”.
     So, at this stage of life I can either decide thats it's just not worth the effort anymore, set back and “enjoy” life; or I can get busy sharpening my sword and start taking on all the demons that stand between me and the things God has given me the passion and desire to do. When presented with such a choice it may seem like a no brainer, but in reality it is very difficult, and most people will end up choosing the path of least resistance. That path offers some physical comfort, and a more gentle “walk through the park” kind of life, but if one considers the level of boredom along the way it becomes quite unbearable to think about. The other choice involves a lot more discomfort as well as uncertainty, difficulties, and trials, yet the call to a life of adventure seems irresistible and compelling.
     I can think of a few giants right now that are staring me in the face. Time is moving on, and the decision of what to do is set before me. I can either let all the distractions of life pull me away from the task of taking them on, or I can move forward in faith and confidence, knowing that the God I serve is not a God of the mundane, but one who has fashioned us for a life of risk and adventure. Which will I choose?

  Update on Last Entry

5/10/07
I had my suspicions that something wasn't right about my internet connection discussed in my last entry. Ends up there was some problem with our ISP, and we were only running at about one fourth the speed we should have. With the problem fixed we are now blazing fast with video downloads staying well ahead of stream. Sweet!
     Now I could have gotten upset at my service provider, but I realized that if it wasn't for their error I wouldn't have been inspired to write my last log. I guess that shows that God can even take the little inconveniences in life to teach us something.

  God's Big Pipe

2/25/07
Just recently, after ten years of being on the Internet, my family and I were finally able to have a high speed connection installed at our house. Within just a few days I realized that our 1 Mbps DSL hookup wasn't fast enough. It was indeed a vast improvement over dialup, but we are still unable to take advantage of all the Web has to offer. Still can't stream video without waiting for it to buffer well ahead of the stream, still notice a significant slow down when someone is downloading something on one computer while someone on the other computer is trying to browse, still can't enjoy some live gaming, etc.
     One thing I found out I could do was to listen to CD quality streaming radio, (as long as no one else is on the other computer). This is very cool, as we live in middle of nowhere, and our choice of music genres is extremely limited with our local radio stations.
     Our service provider does offer a 5 Mbps package, for another $30 a month. Hmmm, I'll have to think of a way to justify and afford that. Maybe get rid of our two big, eat us out of house and home, dogs? On second thought that might not go over all that well with the kids. Hmmm, I'll think of something, just give me some time. I can't help it, I'm a man, I love speed.
     All this got me thinking about a conversation I had with an old friend a while back. He was saying that the potential of the Internet is really endless. In fact he believes that its only real limitation is bandwidth. If we can only get a big enough pipe the possibilities are unlimited. We might even be able to eventually send our physical bodies to the other side of the planet in a matter of seconds. Kind of like the transporters on Star Trek.
     Just imagine a machine that could take us apart at the atomic level, take those atoms and the information needed to reassemble them; then send both at the speed of light over some medium to another machine on the other side of the world. That machine would then take those atoms and information and put us back together again. Hopefully with all the parts in the right place. Can you imagine how much bandwidth that would take? Far beyond anything we have available at the moment. Yet the potential is there.
     That in turn got me thinking about God's economy and infostructure. I think it is safe to say that he has unlimited bandwidth, and unlimited resources. A certain deacon in the book of Acts comes to mind who found himself transported to a different part of the country in a fraction of a second. I've also heard of reports of this happening to believers even in modern times.
     So if God's Web is unlimited in its power and scope why are we, his children, still poking around with one or even five megabit per second internet connections? Don't get me wrong, the World Wide Web is a useful tool for a lot of things, but I wonder sometimes if it isn't a distraction that can hinder us from getting hooked up to God's Universal Web.
     I think of the believers in the poor parts of the world who are witnessing incredible miracles and moves of God. They often suffer as well from extreme poverty and life threatening persecution, yet they appear to be far more plugged into God's stream and flow than those of us in the West. We may be rich materially, but we are extremely impoverished in our spirits. Our connection with God could be likened to those old 14.4 Kbps dialup modems that some of us started out on. When I first got online I connected with a 28.8 Kbps dialup connection. Most of us wouldn't have the patience for that today, but I sometimes believe we have grown content with that kind of connection when it comes to our relationship with God.
     He has all this bandwidth available, but our modems are pitifully out of date and too slow to tap into the unfathomably rich content he has for us. Forget multi-media, I'm talking about the life of the Spirit here. Yet sadly, the information we allow to get through is barely enough to maintain let alone cause our spiritual lives to flourish. Our level of connection with God is dull and uninspiring, which is reflected in our inability to have much of an influence in our culture.
     Please understand, when I say “we” I mean me. I know my connection with God is very low in bandwidth, but I have no one to blame but myself. I can see him waiting there with this huge pipe he wants to plug into my spirit, it's just a matter of me being willing to shed all the things that prevent me from receiving it. My connection is plugged up with a lot of crap that holds me back from getting it all. But thankfully he is patient, and ready to help me anytime I grow tired of my current state and start reaching out for more of him. What I need is a good swift kick in the back side. He's willing to give those out too, but I better be careful what I ask for. He can pack a pretty could kick, that can propel me a long way from this warm comfortable spot I'm in right now. The question I need to ask myself is, “Do I relish comfort over a life of unforeseen adventure and unlimited bandwidth?”
     Perhaps that is a question not only me, but the whole of the body of Christ here in the West should be asking ourselves. What do we value most? I'm convinced that what we decide concerning that question will determine the future of Western civilization.

  A Tribute to Dad

2/3/07
It's been a year since Dad died. I've been wanting to write a tribute to him, and I can't think of a better way to start this blog.
     Dad was certainly part of what has been called the “Greatest Generation.” He had a certain attitude about him. Something in there always reminded me of Ronald Reagan, or John Wayne. Hard to describe or put your finger on, but it was there. Might have been a certain pioneering spirit, nurtured by growing up during the Great Depression in the north woods of Minnesota. He had an incredibly strong work ethic, but no one ever accused him of being a workaholic. When his work was done, it was done. At the end of the day you would often find him kicking back and relaxing in his favorite chair.
     Still it might have been a little hard for him to see his youngest son (that would be me) growing up as basically a city boy. We left the farm when I was 6 years old so I missed out on all those wonderful farm chores I heard so much about from my brother and sisters. We moved to the outskirts of a small town, but compared to the farm it was a radical change. I suppose you could say I was one of those spoiled middle-class American kids who had no idea what a hard days work was about. I had a tendency to put all my free time, which I had a lot of, into things that were not always seen as productive.
     I remember one Saturday back in my youth when I had spent most of my day playing guitar. I heard Dad come into the house and say, “Is that boy going to do anything useful today?” No doubt he had been out working in the garden all day, and me, the thoughtless, self absorbed teenager, had done nothing but practice my guitar licks. Something like that would have never gone over with his own dad, yet for some reason he let me get away with it. Perhaps he let it slide because he new deep down that what I was doing with my time did have some greater purpose. Though he had a hard time relating to those types of aspirations I think he hoped that I could actually go somewhere with my talent. Something his circumstances and opportunities could have never allowed. Besides, making sure all the work got done around the house was no longer a life and death necessity as it had been in the days he was a boy.
     At the time I didn't recognize that such a struggle was going on inside him. My young eyes could see only the side of him that seemed to suggest that I get my act together, and start thinking more seriously about the future. There was an underlying feeling that I should forget about music and get a real job, especially when he suggested I look into becoming a refrigerator repair man. Where did that idea come from? It must have been those old refrigerator commercials on TV. Viewing the Maytag® guy setting around with no work to do probably reminded him of a certain son of his.
     I'm ashamed to admit I grew somewhat resentful toward his attitude, in spite of the fact that overall he was very supportive. Years later he made a comment that made me aware of how proud he actually was.
     I was back in Minnesota for Christmas, off the road from a full time music gig, and my little nephews were messing around with my guitar. He was watching them pretty intently, and said, “You better be careful with that guitar, that's how your uncle pays his bills.” Then he smiled at me with that infectious grin. Perhaps the buried resentment I was keeping inside started to fade at that point. Yet it was months later, while on a solo hiking and camping trip in the Great Smoky Mountains, that I finally became aware of my resentment and found the humility to let it go.
     I had hiked up to the divide that separates Tennessee from North Carolina. It was April, and though the lower valleys were warm and windy, it was cold and still on the ridge. A few icicles hanging from fallen logs, and my clouded breath, gave a hint of how cold it was. It was like I had been transported 1000 miles northwest into the woods I had grown up in. The hard wood trees had given way to dense evergreens and the vegetation was still dead and brown unlike the valley below which was coming alive with soft green. I sat there for a while reliving some of my childhood spent exploring the woods and forests near my home.
     Eventually the cold, and the realization that I had to get back to my camp before nightfall, sent me back down the slope. As I wound my way down the mountain I started to pray for my dad. Suddenly all the resentment, much of which I didn't even realize I had, came to the surface. I had actually shed a few tears before I got back to my camp. I realized that he deserved none of the hard feelings I had kept for him. Everything he had done he had done for my sake. And though he couldn't completely relate or catch on to my dreams, he never got in the way, and supported me where it counted most, in his actions.
     Years later, after I had moved back to Minnesota I had the privilege to work with him. We had started a lawn care business together, and we spent a lot of time mowing customers lawns. We came up with this great idea of putting the speakers from a little Walkman radio into a pair of ear protection head gear. That way we could mow lawns and listen to the radio at the same time. We would often listen to the same talk radio program while we were working our way back and forth across the yard. When something funny or profound was stated that would strike a common chord between us he would often look over at me with that unforgettable smile. That was a special connection with Dad I will never forget.
     C. S. Lewis once said, “When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of being childish, and the desire to be very grown up.” I'll never forget the day back in 1974 when we were on a family trip out to the west cost. We were parked somewhere along a remote mountain road, perhaps in Oregon. I had thrown a rock over the side and being 10 years old was rather enthralled by the small avalanche that my small rock had caused. Suddenly the whole family was caught up in trying to make an avalanche, looking for ever bigger rocks to toss over the edge. I still remember Dad finding the biggest rock/bolder he could lift and throwing it over the side. We were all acting like a bunch of 10 year old, and having a ball.
     Dad and I never talked a lot, and we didn't have much in common as far as interests or hobbies, yet I never doubted his love and devotion. He was an unselfish, kind hearted, and hard working man who was dedicated to his God, his family and his country. He was strong and firm, yet gentle and wise. He was a man of integrity who always tried to do things the right way not the easy way. He was a person of deep faith who was sometimes overly self dependent, yet constantly acknowledging his need for the grace of God. He was a great father, and if there were more like him the world would be a much better place.
     Love and miss you Dad!

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